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This Crazy Religion VIII

Most parents want the best for their children and want them to have more than they have and a better life. That was not the case with my mother….

My mother had a obsession with sex (for some reason most Christians do) she justified marrying off my Sister at 15 because she knew that my sister was marrying a virgin and that is what matters (turned out that he was far from a virgin). So my mother married her off to a “Fine Christian Man” and left her alone in a third world Country, alone and pregnant. because according to her it was the “Will of God”.

My Grandmother told me that she was so disappointed in my mother when she got pregnant in High School and had to get married…..my mother further disappointed my grandparents by getting Divorced (she has been married 4 times). Since divorce is forbidden in our Religion, for some reason it was fine that she got married and divorced 2 times.

It was my mothers hypocrisy and hate that I could not understand, since she rewrote history for herself to make herself a righteous woman is completely fake.

My mother had favorites, huge favorites, for example at Christmas time every year she would buy her Favorite Son’s child everything, huge amount of presents….while the other grandkids had to watch him open….while she got the other grandkids something recycled from her house…old toys, old clothes ect. She stated its her money and she can buy what she wants for who she want. I quit going to Christmas at my parents house and created traditions for me and my children on our own. My mother was very upset that some of the family would not gather for her sick side show anymore and she grew incessantly more vengeful and angry.

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Live Healing Tarot Reads

Healing Tarot Sessions with Tina and Shelly with Layers of Numerology and Chakra’s

I have been drawn to the Mystical world my whole life. I was drawn to Tarot and found I have a Gift for it, and want to use it to Help others.

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Hope’s Story – Strong Women and the Ties that Bind

Meet My Friend…..Hope Flansburg

Author/Wellness Educator About hope Hope is a beautiful Storyteller and Healer. I had the privilege of meeting her on one of her Women Retreats “Hope for Healing” in Chadron NE. It was life changing for me and now I have another Sister inside my Circle. Thank you Hope for everything…you truly have a gift.

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Strong Women and the Ties that Bind – Tina’s Story and Concept of Strong Women Circles

I truly believe to change the world, you first start with yourself, and that means taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and that you can find long days and nights of happiness.  To break generational patterns of abuse it needs to start that way, and we create this beautiful change, for ourselves, family, friends and our Community. 

I have a question: Where do STRONG women go when they are hurt and need someone to hold some space for them, so they can heal and talk about the pain in her life, in her days, months and years of crisis and trauma?….I would like to create a space that we as friends, family pull from the best of ourselves and that comes from the power of being a woman.  Only women truly understand the fragile balance she constantly must maintain…Because these women are Strong, Intelligent, Resilient, and a little pissed off about some issues.  

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This Crazy Religion V

The sex scandals alone in my hometown church was rampant….Secretary’s making out with the Pastor and doing things that was probably not pleasing unto God’s eyes.

I remember another Pastor who kept having affairs on his wife, but the church coffers were filled to the brim

Hypocrisy at its worst! Anyone with half a brain cell could see the blatant lies and their unchristian acts.

Why are Born Again Christians obsessed with sex?

They want to know who and what and where Everyone is doing in their bedroom so they can condemn them to Hell. My mother was militant about letting her kids know that girls are devious and destructive, and they deserved everything bad thing that comes to them….because they are so sinful and evil.

They are there to have many many children and be subservient to their husbands, even though she herself never considered my father on anything and made his life hell most of the time.

On the day of my fathers funeral…you would of thought it was her coming out party. She wore a shiny red dress and acted like she just won the lottery. I will never forgive her for her blatant disrespect to my father and all the memories of his life.

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 “In Everything I Find Roses in Concrete”

Tina’s Project 2020

“I Have a Dream” is a public speech that was delivered by American civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. during the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, 1963, in which he called for civil and economic rights and an end to racism in the United States

I also have a dream about this project. I wanted to hear the voices of my Sisters. Their Voices speaking truth to power, her stories and dreams, and nightmares that she needs/must express.  

Because I do know in expressing herself is healing especially in an environment where she feels unconditional acceptance and with other women that understand and have experienced the same things too…it is so Powerful and Healing.  I want all my Sister to find healing, and I know through Art and Voice and by unleashing the most sacred part of being a woman, we can create a pathway for ourselves to find peace and to be happy.  

I truly believe to change the world, you first start with yourself, and that means taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and that you can find long days and nights of happiness.  To break generational patterns of abuse it needs to start that way, and we create this beautiful change, for ourselves, family, friends and our Community. 

I have a question: Where do STRONG women go when they are hurt and need someone to hold some space for them, so they can heal and talk about the pain in her life, in her days, months and years of crisis and trauma?….I would like to create a space that we as friends, family pull from the best of ourselves and that comes from the power of being a woman.  Only women truly understand the fragile balance she constantly must maintain…Because these women are Strong, Intelligent, Resilient, and a little pissed off about some issues.  

Lets create a Sisterhood that is safe…at all times…..every time.  I know ya all can feel me when a sister is crying by herself in her bedroom, because life is overwhelming her and she is responsible for so many people in her family, and it is a burden that she carries on her own, and a rough path that she will have to navigate, but it is her choice to carry it, she would do anything for her children and family.  But sometimes a Sister just needs a break, time to heal, lick our wounds so we can stand to fight another day….and that’s it.   

It is also my dream to monetize this project and funds go straight into charities in all our own Communities to start a cycle of change.  True change…..generational change. 

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This Crazy Religion II

I was speaking about how my mother married off my sister at 15 and left her in a third world Country…married and pregnant. My mother made sure my sister fate was sealed…even after my sister moved back home with her family…she struggled financially, physically and mentally and was under my mother control. My mother also dragged three of my brothers to the Philippines and to marry them off to nice Christian virgin girls.

My mother thought she was the chosen Prophet for the Philippines and would go there often to preach. They believed she was a generous holy woman…..little did they know. My brothers all had alcohol and drug problems. They did not graduate from High School and could not hold down a job. These poor women they married had no idea they were going into the lions den. My mother treated all of them horribly and thought they all were beneath her; this is the strange dichotomy of my mother, I believe she wanted brown girls to control and abuse…since she was White and Right…it is sad what they all had to go through…and my mother made sure their lives were holy hell at all times

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Today is the Day that Tina Lays Down her Sword

Now why would Tina want to lay down her Sword?

Have you ever felt like your always fighting the whole world? and for safety and protection you always have to have a fighting stance with the Sword held high?

I have been through this journey these last couple of years to find healing and to change the parts of myself that are destructive to me and to others. I always felt I would be perceived as weak and I always had to hold my postion…by myself in most situations.

I have attributes about myself that are aggressive, and destructive I used them as survival tools through my childhood because I was adopted by a extremally dysfunctional mother. After I left home, I never wanted to go back. But what I took with me was that a person had to be tough, never cry and I was on my own.

People will adapt to most situations to Survive.

It wasn’t until I was a Victim Witness Coordinator for the Police department when I really changed, I had to because it was me alone against a police department that believed someone else should of got my job. For the first minute at that job, I didn’t know I was going to be treated like complete garbage by a corrupt police department.

It was unfair and unjust that I was never given a chance from day 1, and I have a problem being treated badly if I have done nothing to deserve it. So they all came for me ……and I raised my Sword and became like a Warrior Women on Fire.

Now I realized I have carried that part of me to this day…and I understand that I don’t need to be constantly battling.

…..my life is different now, I am different now….and I have to Change

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She was Amazing and Who is She? That would be Me…. My Lovely


Womanity ~*I am Her, and She is Me… a Wild thing. She is teaching me, every day, what it means to be free, to be wild. What it looks like, sounds like, tastes like. She is showing me the difference between Wildness and recklessness, Wisdom and inconsideration. Wild things cannot be tethered, cannot be harnessed and domesticated, but they can be discerning, sharp as a razor, and kind in a way that is healing


I have always been told I am, Was, Is….. flawed, broken, damaged, and told those traits are ugly and for the damned and the weak.


I had a major struggle in the last couple of years, I had to close a chapter of my life which involved friendships, time and memories.

I was sad because it was so hard and sad and final. There were no winners or losers, and all souls wept . 


After I came to terms to a chapter I have to close , I realized there was some steps that I would have to do.


Step One:

Second Step:

Amen and Amen

I love Mother Teresa’s quotes, now that is a real woman there.  



For some reason, Memories started coming back to me when I went to a Blue October Concert in San Francisco  They are my favorite band, I respect the lead singer Justin because he sings about dark real life issues, and it made me feel less alone on my path.  

There is a signature song of theirs that I hold on to with my heart.  It is, “She’s my ride home”. I have always looked for that other person, partner. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I came to terms that the “She is also Me”.  


Since I have been alone most of my adult life and it has been by choice, I believed I missed a part of life that many people get to experience.  I am happy for them, they are blessed.
I was married once twenty years ago, wow! so I now get why people have always asked me why I never got remarried.  I was thinking, its been like five minutes, when in reality it has been twenty years.  Is that good or bad?  


I think I am going to give in to my destiny and walk my path with Me, which would be She…..My Lovely.

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Sharp Double Edge Sword

“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open
 as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk” 

― Thomas Moore

I have meet a new friend,  we can call him Lyndsay, Earl, Justa, Matt, or just plain Boo.  Oh Hell, lets just call him my Friend. I was reading his blog and this caught my attention.

I write for myself today. I put my thoughts into writing and read my writing out loud to make sure my mind, body, and soul realizes how important my balance is. I write this, muscles sore from an early morning push of strength and stamina. 
My balance is not a delicate one, it has lots of room for give and pull. Nonetheless, the balance of my life includes several important aspects (Awesome friend Mikey)

I feel happiness for my friend because his balance is not a delicate one.

I feel sadness for me that I do not have that luxury.

I am writing for me because I need too
I am writing for me because I am worth that much

I am writing for me because I feel so empty at this moment, and need to feel relevant

why?

She fought hard, she was a huge pain in the ass, she was a great friend, she was hysterically funny, kind hearted and tried the best with her children.

Even if she failed, remember she tried, that should count for something.

I step carefully, purposefully, slowly, because even a millimeter off then I will lose my balance.

I will be cut in half with my Sharp Double Edge Sword.

Please be gentler than usual with  this tiny Warrior, she is very busted up and bruise.

Hopefully, there is still a smoldering piece of coal.

She needs to rejuvenate. The mending process took much much longer than she could of imagined and she now realizes it is a constant.

She sitting here in silence mode letting the pain flow through her……..she stays still in her silence.

She has learned that is the only way to keep breathing is to not fight, because nothing in this life is free.  She understands to embrace, learn, forgive and release.  

She also did not realize the pain is so intense, and will bring her to her knees, face down, begging for help, for relief, for solace, for sleep.

Please send a thought to her, because she is in need.  

“It is only through mystery and madness that the 
soul is revealed” 

― Thomas Moore

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I was raised in a Cult, I think, I am not sure…


Charles Bukowski
Factotum
“ “Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?” Well,
 yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people 
mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I’ve never 
been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, 
because I didn’t want to hide in factories. That’s all. Sorry for all the
 millions, but I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of 
entertainment I have. Let’s drink more wine!” 

Yesterday I had a Epiphany that answered a few questions for
me, because I have started on a dark journey of who I am and the purpose for my reality.  I explored many avenues of religion and spirituality, because the religion that I grew up in was bat-shit crazy as can be.

The only answer that I ever received;   Damnation! Hell!  Fire! Shame! and the Mark of the Beast looming over me!

Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.” —Revelation 13:18

I can not even begin to describe what the religion made me fear, especially that Christians were gonna go through the Tribulation, and we need to be prepared. 

In our Cult…oh so sorry, I mean religion we identified as:

  1. Born again Christian
  2. Washed in the blood of the lamb
  3. Slain in the Spirit
  4. Raising the Dead
  5. Commanding the weather to change under her authority.
  6. Commanding in the name of the Lord to straighten my crooked teeth.

Speaking in tongues and other weird things did she. 

She started to believe she was the chosen Prophet
for her realm in Wyoming.

My mother was the crusader of this odd reality, she was storing food and wine, for the end of times since the very early eighty’s .

I was just a little girl exposed to this travesty,

I am not being dramatic, just read this and see, and give me your opinion because it matters much to me.  

She became a zealot for her cause and until now, I did not know how much it devastated my being, and who I would end up to be.

Religion is beginning to be recognised as a possible source of psychological stress on children. This is particularly so for children raised in exclusive religious cults and sects
http://openparachute.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/psychological-and-religious-abuse-of-children/

Because it was my normal and I believed that everyone was raised with shame and feeling guilty. 

I constantly lived in fear of death, because that was all that was taught to me.

The part that makes me  angry and bitter, and I feel immeasurable loss in my heart and soul, is when I gave birth to my adorable babies.

I feel like I was not able to enjoy the feeling of motherhood, because I was taught at any moment my children could be taken from me without any warning. 

Having children is like your heart is outside of your body.
(President Obama)

I constantly feared for my babies lives because of my mothers delusional teachings to me.

It is hard to bond to my most important pieces of my heart, because I knew I would not survive them being torn apart. 
So I had to figure out a way to live with this, so my children could at least have a start.

I have to get this off my chest about an experience that is still clear as day to me. 

I was only a child and I remember going to church to watch a movie about the Christian trying to survive the tribulation that was forthcoming for all of us to see.

They showed graphic scenes of people getting their heads chopped off because they refused to take the Mark of the Beast.

So for me life is ending at any given moment, so what’s the purpose anyways?”

Child abuse survivors suffer from long-term post-traumatic stress disorder. Symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive negative thoughts, low self-esteem, compulsive behaviour, anger, disturbed sleep, hyper-vigilance, shame, guilt, etc. are common.http://openparachute.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/psychological-and-religious-abuse-of-children/

I cant even begin to describe to you how deep the scars and nightmares that has been seared inside of me and its still my darkest monster watching ever close to me.

I know it affected every single aspect of my life and the choices that I have made.

Especially one friendship that use to be so dear, is forever over, between me and her.

I speak of souls weeping in my other blog post called “She was amazing”  because my former friend was the only person who went through this travesty with me.

I feel so much guilt because it was my mother leading the crusade to cast the demons out of she,

Because as a tiny little girl was not treated humanly.

Which was absolutely not her fault, and had no control of the monsters that she was born too, 

Even when she got rescued from her evil father,
she still never got the proper therapy that she needs.

They were working in the name of the Lord so there is no way they could be off key.


Glossolalia
 or speaking in tongues is the fluid vocalizing (or less commonly, the writing of), speech-like syllables, in some cases, as part of religious practice.[1] The significance of glossolalia has varied in context, with some minorities considering it a part of a sacred language. It is most prominently practiced within Pentecostal and Charismatic Christianity, but it is practiced in non-Christian religions as well. Many believe[who?] that the vocalizations are a reaction to externally induced hysteria.

Please, please, help me understand….. tell me how casting demons out of someone, especially a child while holding them down and wailing in tongues is something I am sure no one could even perceive. 

My mother and her followers performed it not once, not twice, but  thrice to She.  Why? as I shake my head and wonder how my mother got this level of crazy.

” although religious child abuse is not restricted to cults like the Exclusive Brethren a religious upbringing can be healthy – provided it occurs in an open and flexible atmosphere. If this is absent the child can suffer from the stultification of a personal moral and intellectual sense.

I stared exploring different  avenues of religions and spirituality, since I was already the black sheep of my family.
 I was never gonna be like my mother I vowed on the daily.

For even thinking the answers were in my mother and the Holy Bible, that only she interpreted for me and her followees.

She kept me hostage with fear of burning forever in Hell.
She used  this fear of pain and death as a instrument for evil deeds did she.

Everlasting punishment

The most terrifying aspect of the torment in hell is that it never ends. It goes on forever and ever. The words used by Christ and the apostles to describe the duration of the suffering in hell clearly, unambiguously and unequivocally teach that the punishment in hell is eternal, unending and everlasting.

http://www.reformedonline.com/view/reformedonline/hell.htm

So I am in a search for  a different philosophy, something that does not scare me and help me find Faith, Purpose and Love.

Found one.

and now I am going to start the process to set myself free.

Thank you to everyone for listening to me, that act alone has given me some positive energy.


Prologue:

When does it get better?  When does it feel like I might have a life again? My dear Candy, two weeks ago she decided to give up the good fight. She left on her own terms…her heart broken from too much loss.

I know the pain overtook her…she herself stated she was tired of being brave.  Her attempt at learning to live again failed.  I ask myself if she was truly the winner…the pain that ravished her heart and soul had stopped.

Where ever she is at….I wish her well….hopefully some peace that she deserved but never found. I am sorry Candy I couldn’t help you…couldn’t talk to you. Couldn’t be there for you.

But at this time in my life I can’t even help myself…just existing…barely breathing…and getting up each day to to do the same thing…over and over. This is not a life. This is not enough. This has to change…I too am tired of being brave…tired of just existing.  

I don’t really matter to anyone…not even to myself.  What do I do? Something has to give. I have to find an answer before I tear to pieces from the pain..from the loneliness…from the complete emptiness inside of me.


Peace to you my friend….see you the next rotation of the Sun….Tina

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Womanity ~*

Womanity ~*
There is no fight left in her, and that’s the best thing that ever happened for her. For far too long the futile battle of light and dark has left her exhausted.
She’s accepting both light and dark as the inherent gifts of the universe. She’s not in a duelling match with them.
The light no longer wishes to ‘reform’ her dark, and her dark no longer wants to ‘control’ the light. Suddenly, she’s not playing the polarity game.
She’s not fooled into buying the teaching that there’s something wrong with her that needs fixing, and she’s got work to do before she’s finally ‘good’.
Her divinity is in fully embracing her humanity. All of it. So where’s the imperfection? The myth that one day light will vanquish the dark and there will be peace would have kept her exhausted and imprisoned.
She’s already at peace right now! Even the light and dark within her are sitting at peace with each other. Game over. What she’s experiencing in the ceasing of war is an unbelievable tranquillity & peace. Thank goddess she believed in her own wisdom.

:: Sukhvinder Sirca

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The Memory Dress

I have a dress, which is a deep maroon color and beautiful……….The story of this dress is sad, but there is so much to learn from it for me, that I felt the need to write

“When you sense that your dark night is one of pregnancy and oceanic return, you could react accordingly and be still. Watch and wonder. Take the human embryo as your model. Assume the fetal position, emotionally and intellectually. Be silent. Float in your darkness as if it were the waters of the womb, and give up trying to fight your way out or make sense of it.” Thomas Moore

When I first arrived here in California I started reading to seek answers to the path that would lead me to peace.  I read two books by Thomas Moore “Dark Nights of the Soul” and “Care of the Soul” and I found some profounds dark answers to my question.


“It’s important to be heroic, ambitious, productive, efficient, creative, and progressive, but these qualities don’t necessarily nurture soul. The soul has different concerns, of equal value: downtime for reflection, conversation, and reverie; beauty that is captivating and pleasuring; relatedness to the environs and to people; and any animal’s rhythm of rest and activity.” 

The story starts with a day that  forever will be seared on my soul and heart and be a part of me for the rest of my days.

I have worked as a victim’s advocate for six years.  Two were at a local Safe house  and four years at the local Police Department.

That day I was getting ready to close the office.  A woman came into the door and needed to ask me some questions about a protection order and how she could get one.  I explained to her how to obtain one, and how protection orders can be used as one of many tools to help keep her safe.  They have been together for eleven years, and she wanted to get out of the relationship, but she knew that he would not understand.  I asked her, do you feel like your in immediate danger? She stated no, I don’t think he would go too far.  I went over all safety and security procedures with her and gave her a 911 phone to keep with her at all times.

I was allowed to see her in the hospital because I was her advocate.  This is one of the first scars that started the breakdown.  I walked in and I could not even recognize her as a person, she was in such horrible shape.  She looked up and said, I know her, and she wanted to say something to me.  I walked up to her bed and held what I could of her hand, she did not want to let go.  She said, ‘I’m a survivor Tina,  I’m a survivor’…..

What do you do with all the emotion and pain that she is feeling? How can you share her pain, and help? I felt so little and insignificant compared to what just happened to her, and I did not want to hurt her in any way.

So as my good friend Dory stated,
 Rule of Thumb for Advocacy.  Always take a servants position, if you understand that, then you are a good pick for advocacy. Humility is key for a productive advocate, and keep ears open and mouth shut.

I specialized in domestic violence and sexual assault   I was the sexual assault coordinator for the years I worked at the Safe house.   Truth be told Domestic Violence numbers will not go down until we educate our society, communities, and political officials about the dynamics of domestic violence.  

Times have change and I was so happy to see grants from VAWA that would encourage men to join us women in this arena.  The antiquated views and techniques need to be updated, be more open minded and less judgmental   Since I worked for the Safe house and the Police Department, I was able to see both sides and they desperately needed to find a way to work together.

The question that I got asked the most in the classes I taught to advocates, law enforcement and the local community is, “why does he or she stay”?  and if they go back its thier fault, we tried.  I would answer that question  with, why doesnt he or she  stop batterer?  Blame the abuser not the victim.  

Since society sets the norms and values in which we live, then we all need to look in the mirror. Domestic violence is everyone’s issue, because if affects the community at large.  I have seen people state “those people” like they can not relate, sorry to break your bubble, but domestic violence happens to our sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, and grandparents.  We are looking at ourselves. 

In future classes I taught for new volunteers. I always emphasized the importance of being kind, quiet, and  real.  Holding hands, words of comfort and an open ear.  That makes all difference and is real because nobody listens, really, really listens anymore.

I believe that its important to bear witness for victims.  It’s about respect and the importance of all people.  Everyone has worth, a good advocate can feel it, see it and with no words, help them.

So everything I see my memory dress, I pause and  show respect and to bear witness for her because every human being  matters   Peace to you J.

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What Would Jesus Do?

Do you all remember when this saying was everywhere, on wrist bands, shirts and signs.

I have struggled with my Faith and lost much respect for certain religions, the ones I know about are extremely judgemental, want power and control, and teaches death and damnation in eternal fires of Hell.

At one of the worst times in my life, my eyes were open and my heart softened by what I viewed.

There under the bridge in the worst part of the city, Ministries would come to feed, clothe and sing songs that would uplift the soul and give hope to many that has lost all faith.  The people society has thrown away, and shuns itself from.

 They would pray with people in such a sincere and kind manner, I admired their humanity and they remembered and still embraced the basic reason for religion.

Which I truly believe is about caring for our fellow man, and the blessing of serving others  that creates people that are humble, strong, and so real.

So I guess if this is what Jesus would do, and I believe he did, then I too want to buy a band that states “What Would Jesus Do” and wear it with the memories that I received on this day.

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Shhhh…. She is Travelling between Worlds right Now….

You can see her holding the tension of not knowing ~ she is simply breathing into her unanswered questions. Sometimes she drinks her coffee with quaking hands, not knowing where her relationship or her bank account is going.

But this time, she is holding on to the tension of not knowing, and is not willing to hit the panic button. She is unlearning thousands of years of conditioning. She is not being split between the opposing forces of fight and flight.

She is neither naïve nor ignorant. She is a frontier woman, paving new roads & making new choices.

She is willing to making a new transcendent possibility emerge. You may see her now ~ standing at thresholds, or at crossroads ~ breathing into her body ~ intently listening for inner signals. She’s learning new navigation skills as she arrives at a most magical moment of her life.
~ Sukhvinder Sircar


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 “In Everything I find Roses in Concrete”

Tina’s Project 2020

“I Have a Dream” is a public speech that was delivered by American civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. during the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, 1963, in which he called for civil and economic rights and an end to racism in the United States

I also have a dream about this project. I wanted to hear the voices of my Sisters. Their Voices speaking truth to power, her stories and dreams, and nightmares that she needs/must express.  

Because I do know in expressing herself is healing especially in an environment where she feels unconditional acceptance and with other women that understand and have experienced the same things too…it is so Powerful and Healing.  I want all my Sisters to find healing, and I know through Art and Voice and by unleashing the most sacred part of being a woman, we can create a pathway for ourselves to find peace and to be happy.  

I truly believe to change the world, you first start with yourself, and that means taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and that you can find long days and nights of happiness.  To break generational patterns of abuse it needs to start that way, and we create this beautiful change, for ourselves, family, friends and our Community. 

I have a question: Where do STRONG women go when they are hurt and need someone to hold some space for them, so they can heal and talk about the pain in her life, in her days, months and years of crisis and trauma?….I would like to create a space that we as friends, family pull from the best of ourselves and that comes from the power of being a woman.  Only women truly understand the fragile balance she constantly must maintain…Because these women are Strong, Intelligent, Resilient, and a little pissed off about some issues.

 

Lets create a Sisterhood that is safe…at all times…..every time.  I know ya all can feel me when a sister is crying by herself in her bedroom, because life is overwhelming her and she is responsible for so many people in her family, and it is a burden that she carries on her own, and a rough path that she will have to navigate, but it is her choice to carry it, she would do anything for her children and family.  But sometimes a Sister just needs a break, time to heal, lick our wounds so we can stand to fight another day….and that’s it.   

True change…..generational change. 

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This Crazy Religion VII


The Tribulation is upon us NOW….Christians will go through the Tribulation

trib·u·la·tion

noun

  1. a cause of great trouble or suffering.”the tribulations of being a megastar”
    • a state of great trouble or suffering. “his time of tribulation was just beginning”

My Mother used the Tribulation and Hell, Fire and Damnation to get what She wanted…she used it to manipulate and instill fear into People, so that they will Follow her and her teachings.

I learned very quickly that Christian people were not so kind…they were they worst. The Hypocrisy coming from my Mother and her Religion was harmful, dangerous and abusive.

My mother level of crazy and hypocrisy was already on another level….but when she found out that instilling FEAR was a way to control and hurt people…It was like a drug for her and she went insane with her actions and words. My mother should of been put in check, and she should of been admitted to an Insane asylum…but she abused and used everyone and everything around her for YEARS.

As a Child growing up in these years, I was always afraid, I did not have any safety of security that I should of gotten from my mother….She made sure to tell me that I was in real danger because of my sinful mind and heart, and the Tribulation was going to come upon us any day…and we had to be prepared. She stored food, wine, and water so we could survive the impending attack, she said she would protect us with her guns and GOD.

I can’t even describe how afraid I was my whole childhood and truly believed I would not live past my Twenties. It has taken years of therapy and total estrangement from my Family to come to terms with this and learn to heal.

The craziest part is that my Mother and my Siblings all live in Rawlins WY…saying and doing and living exactly like we did when we were growing up. So sad

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